A Week Full of Pictures {4}

This post was supposed to go up on Friday to complete my week of pictures, but apparently time got away from me.  Matt and I just got back from a great weekend with family in friends in Omaha and I wanted to get this post up before I forgot!  

Charlotte was a always a little peanut.  Maybe it was all of the coffee that was stunting her growth?  We all needed a little extra caffeine on cath mornings.

Sporty Spice.  She looked so stinkin' cute in her Nike sweats, tennis shoes and a ponytail!

There are not many things cuter than a baby fresh out of bed.  Here is Charlotte still in her jammies,  with crazy hair and eyes that are still a little squinty and trying to wake up.  Oh what I wouldn't give for some early morning snuggles.

I LOVE this picture.  Charlotte got slippers as a Christmas gift from daycare last year.  I put them on her  fully expecting that she would pull them off right away to get a better look at Pooh, but she was perfectly content with them on her feet.  And doesn't she have the cutest little profile??

This picture is actually from Matt's phone.  I didn't know that it even existed until about a month ago.  I love how she is resting her chin on her little hand....deep in thought.

And here it is.  The last phone picture that I ever took of our baby girl.  My eyes fill up with tears every time that I see it.  I hate knowing that its the last.  There will be no more.  It was a gloomy day the Saturday before Charlotte earned her wings and to get out of the house we decided to go for a walk at the mall.  While Daddy was checking out at the Gap, Charlotte and I played by a mirror.  I had her giggling pretty good, but she kept looking over toward Matt to see if he was watching!  

Sigh.  I miss her so much.

A Week Full of Pictures {3}

As promised...MORE PICTURES!

Our incredibly smart little girl decked out in her Yankee gear. 

I love how her hat is tilted to the side...it makes her look extra "thug"! 

 Holy Cow!  LOOK AT THOSE EYES!

 Charlotte was so happy when it finally got warm enough to spend time outdoors.  I believe that both the hat AND the glasses were ripped off about 0.5 seconds after I snapped this picture!

 Ok.  This picture makes me crack up every time I see it.  The way that Charlotte is leaning to the side in combination with the look on her face makes it look like she spent the day at the bar rather than at daycare!  So stinkin' funny!

 Sigh.  My little ladybug.  Charlotte never got to strut her stuff at the swimming pool and I'm so glad that we got this picture when we did.  Now if only she'd been wearing the matching hat!

 Just your average, everyday monkey hug. 

 Charlotte loved her paci, but she could not keep it in her mouth at night for the life of her.  Translation, every 10 minutes we would end up going into her nursery to "plug her in."  Finally I got tired of it and just took the thing away.  Much to my surprise, she did very well.  THEN, we went back to Children's for surgery in January and low and behold, I caved and gave her the paci to help keep her settled in the scary situation.  When it was time to come home though, the paci was left behind.  Much to my surprise, a few months later I came into the living room and found the little stinker with a PACI!  It must have been buried at the bottom of her bin of toys.  Sneaky, sneaky little lady....

 Long waits at the doctor's office?  Name badges on retractable holders are the perfect solution! 

 There is just something about this picture that always melts my heart.  The cute zipper shirt?  The crazy striped leggings?  The innocent little look on Charlotte's face? 

All of the above!



A Week Full of Pictures {2}

Here we go for round 2 of cell phone pictures.  It just dawned on me that when its time for me to get a new phone I'm going to have to make sure that all of my pictures get transferred over...the thought of not being able to flip through these whenever I want makes me extremely sad. 

This is another one of my all-time favorites.  Charlotte's Grammy actually printed us a copy and it hangs on the side of our refrigerator.  Even on the hardest days its tough not to smile when I see this goofy little lady.  This is what we call "Post-ponytail, pre-bath hair." 

Speaking of hair....!  Poor little Charlotte had a miserable cold so we decided that we would go sit in a steamy bathroom.  It was at this very moment that I realized that she was CURSED with my crazy, humdity-intollerant hair.  Look at those crazy curls!!!

Ha!  These just keep getting better and better.  Here is Chuck just chillin' in the kitchen while we cleaned up after dinner.  She's totally rockin' that hat!

Charlotte had a heart cath last December in preparation for her surgery in January.  We thought it was only appropriate for her to tell the world just how tough she was.  She was definitely the toughest chick I've ever known!

Early surgery = even earlier morning.  This is Daddy and a hungry, tired Charlotte getting in some last minute snuggles before surgery.  For those heart families out there...you know how hard/scary/agonizing these mornings are.

Mommy and Charlotte before surgery.  Ugh, my heart hurts just thinking about it.

I cannot begin to tell you how hard it is to see your child immediately after open heart surgery...and I hope that you never have to know for yourself.  This is the closest that we could get to "holding". 

Snuggling with "Red Butt".  No breathing tube, no oxygen.  Just a cute girl with her monkey.

The first smile after a sleepless week in the hospital is always the best! 

A Week Full of Pictures {1}

The past week or so I’ve found myself watching Charlotte videos and looking through old pictures more often. They make me smile. They make me cry. But most of all they help me remember. I was going through pictures on my cell phone the other day over lunch and thought that it would be fun to share some of these memories with all of you. After all, cell phone pictures are those out of the blue, “crap I don’t have my camera” moments that often capture the best little moments. I’m struggling to find words lately (perhaps because life has been pretty uneventful)…so a week full of pictures might be a good mental break.

The medication that they had to give Charlotte to keep the duct in her heart open until surgery also has the side effect of making her "forget" to breathe.  I got a phone call in my hospital room one night telling me that they were going to intubate her due to some episodes of apnea...this is how i found her the next morning.  Cute little girl, cute little bow, pesky little tube.

Once we were moved to the recovery floor I got lots of snuggles in with my little lady!  This was the longest she had ever kept her eyes open.  I was taking a picture to send to Daddy in Sioux Falls and wouldn't you know, she decided to send some kisses his way!

Home sweet home!  Her socks in this picture crack me up.  She had such short little legs that even newborn socks looked like knee-high boots!

You may remember THIS post from Miss Crabby Pant's 2 month birthday.  I feel bad now calling her crabby because this was just shortly before we learned that she had a milk-soy protein intolerance.  Her little tummy had to be just miserable.  Anyway, Charlotte was either crying or puking for about 98% of the day and then finally collapsed on my lap all sprawled out like she was totally exhausted.  Speaking of exhausted...check out my face in this picture!

This one was taken about 10 minutes later.  All the stress of that day is forgotten when I look at this picture.  It might be one of my all-time favorites.  Tear...

I love my Mummy.  I don't think this one needs any other words.

Stay tuned....
More cell phone pictures to come tomorrow!

GOOOOO PACKERS!

At only 4 months old Charlotte had already decided that football was pretty cool.  She loved to spend her Sundays cheering on the Packers with her Daddy.  Since the Packers play the Vikings this weekend I thought it would be the perfect time to share a little video with you all.  

Disclaimer:  I sound like a crazy woman in this video.  Please make sure that your volume isn't turned all the way up...I mean it!

Football Sundays just aren't the same without that little grin...

Hearts of Hope

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend the Midwest Heart Connection’s 8^th Annual Hearts of Hope Gala in Omaha.  It was an awesome night and the perfect way to celebrate our little heart kiddos, angels, families and the hospital staff who cares for them all (and not to mention raise a little money for a good cause while we're at it!).  This was my first time attending Hearts of Hope and I was a little nervous about how my emotions would manifest that night.  Lucky for me I was surrounded my 19 incredible family members and some really great friends that I have come to know as a result of our journey.  Yes, there were tears here and there throughout the night, but I can confidently say that good conversation and laughter were much more common!

Wouldn't you know...I took an extra large purse with me to the event so that I could have my good camera with me.  Once I got there and went to snap my frist picture of the night I realized that my camera battery was 1000% dead.  Its a good thing that I had someone for back-up!

Lindsey and Angie

Jay and Jill

Lindsey and Brad

Steve and Erin

Vick and Jim

Brooke and Dane

Me and the in-laws, Hal and Mary

Deanna, Vicki (mother in-law) and Steve

Goeser girls--YAY!

Goeser girls plus Mama Debbie

Me and Natalie (nurse/friend)

Erin and Angie

Can you tell they are all related?  Aunt Vicki, Erin, Angie, Debbie

Alyson modeling a silent auction purse (and getting a weird look from the woman in the background)

380 bottles of Colby Red wine donated for the night.
Click HERE to learn more about it! 

I may or may not have snuck into this picture at the last minute.

This beauty (along with an equally awesome framed print that I don't have a picture of) came home with me at the end of the night thanks to my sisters/brother-in-law.  We hung this one in our dining room and it definitely made our rental a happier place to be!

Thanks to my family for coming and being a part of this event this weekend.  I had so much fun and can't wait until we can do it all again next year!  LOVE YOU ALL!

God at His Finest

I have started to write this post so many times—but as soon as I even begin to think of the appropriate words, my eyes become flooded with tears and I have to walk away. It’s a hard one to write as it takes me directly back to the day that I saw my baby’s face, touched her perfect skin, ran my fingers through her crazy hair…for the last time. Despite the pain it brings to go back to that day, the story that I want to share today is one that I have to document—I cannot risk forgetting even the smallest details (though I don’t think that I could if I tried.) Something happened that day that I don’t know if I will have words to adequately describe… (I apologize in advance for the length on this one!)

From the time that we found out about Charlotte’s heart I have used this blog to tell her story. Accounts of her trials, bravery and achievements reached people far and wide…but truth be told, this blog has always been more for Matt, Charlotte and myself than anyone else. It provided a way to document and reflect back on our crazy adventure, allowed me to vent/cry without having to do it face to face, it gave me a chance to brag about how A.W.E.S.O.M.E. my little girl was. I always intended for this to be something that I could share with Charlotte when she was older so that she could truly understand what a miracle she was.  I have shared her story since before she was born and even though I knew it would be difficult, I knew that I wanted to continue to share her with all of you...to heal my own heart. I used my words to document it all, and because of that, I knew that they had to be a part of the day we said “goodbye.”

The decision to speak at Charlotte’s memorial service was an easy one. I knew that I wanted to do it, but at the same time I feared…well…everything about the actual act. Could I do this? Would I fall apart? Would anyone be able to comprehend my words through the inevitable sniffles and sobs? Heck, would my legs even support me if I tried to stand?  Anticipating the worst, I wrote down what I hoped to say and graciously accepted when my sister volunteered to step in if needed. Then I prayed. I stood in the shower that morning with tears running down my face as I prayed for God to give me strength. I distinctly remember uttering the words, “God, I want to do this. I need to do this. But I know that it’s not possible without You. I need you to show me that I can. Please God, I need you to show me that I will be OK.”

God spoke to me in the most incredible way that morning…

Meet my brother-in-law Abe—Or as Charlotte knew him, Uncle Abe.

Abe is your average 12 year old boy.  He goes to school (though not always willingly!), has lots of friends, likes junk food, loves to go swimming.  He's always on the move and likes to do his own thing.  

When Abe was 2 years old he was diagnosed with Autism.  I had never been around an autistic child before Abe and to be honest, when I first met him, I wasn't quite sure how to act (this sounds TOTALLY silly now that I think back on it...he's just a kid after all!) I quickly got over my uncertainty and came to realize that the "autism" label does not define who Abe is...much like Charlotte's heart didn't define who she was.  There is so much more to Abe than his diagnosis.  He's a lovable goof with a great belly laugh, a determined spirit and a little ornery streak in him from time to time.  I'm sitting here smiling just thinking about it!

Charlotte (or ChaCha as Abe calls her) was enamored with Abe and when he was around, her eyes were LOCKED on him.

I LOVE this picture!

Look at her checking him out.

Ok, so maybe in this one she's more interested in the Pop-Tart, but she knew Abe was the one to go for if she was looking for yummy treats!

I'm pretty sure that this was the first time that they met!

The morning of Charlotte’s service (after my shower break-down) I found Abe sitting in his room…totally silent with a look on his face that told me something was "off". He looked at me and in that moment that I knew that he knew. I hadn’t been giving Abe the credit that he deserved, but right then and there I could tell that he was well aware of the grieving that was going on all around him…and he was grieving too. I went and sat next to him face-to-face on his bed and I talked about Charlotte. As I talked, Abe sat quietly and looked me straight in the eyes (for those of you who don’t know, eye contact is a big deal in kiddos with Autism). As if his insane attentiveness wasn't enough, somewhere in the midst of our conversation he picked up the charm on my necklace--a silver mended heart given to me by my friend Jill.  He held it in his hand and rubbed his thumb over it again and again before bringing the little silver heart to my lips for me to kiss.  Tears slowly started to pour down my cheeks and much to my amazement...sigh...Abe reached up and wiped them away with the back of his hand.  

I had to remind myself to breathe.

I looked over at my mother-in-law standing in the door way--She was just staring with tears in her eyes, obviously in just as much awe over the events taking place in front of her as I was.

I looked into Abe’s piercing blue eyes and I knew that this was the sign that I had begged for not an hour earlier.  I truly believe that God was showing Himself to me through Abe that morning.  He was telling me that despite my fears and uncertainty--

It was going to be okay. 
I was going to be okay. 
We were going to be okay.

I think of that moment with Abe often and am still as amazed by it today as I was 4 months ago.  Its definitely one of those times where I find myself smiling through the tears.  I am forever grateful.

Happy 17 months Baby girl!  Mommy and Daddy miss you like craziness and wish that we could give you some giant birthday hugs today.  Instead we'll be sending extra kisses to heaven.  I love you with all my heart little lady...all my heart.