My Big 'Ol Christmas Post

In my head, I always figured that moving back to Nebraska would make the holidays a little bit less chaotic.  This year as we bounced from house to house for Christmas celebrations I was quickly proven wrong!  Christmas came and went in a blur.

Our first Christmas gathering took place on Saturday in Omaha with Matt's Dad.  We do a pretty low key Christmas every year--order in pizza from Sam and Louis, open gifts, enjoy each others company.  Each year we we attempt the impossible task of taking a whole family picture with the use of a camera timer...its entertaining to say the least.  We had a great evening just lounging...that's my kind of Christmas!

Harrison, meet Benson.  Benson, meet Harrison.  

Next year Harrison will have a partner in crime at Christmas!

 Me and my boys.  I'm one lucky lady!

 Checking out his sister's ornaments on the tree.

The Ritchies...Complete with my "Charley" sweater.  

 

On Christmas Eve, Harrison and I loaded up the car and drove to Harlan for a celebration with the Bogler family.  It ended up being a late night with lots of time spent in the car, but it was well worth it to spend the evening with family that I don't get to see very often.  There were lots of laughs, LOTS of noise and lots of attention shown to a certain little boy that I know!

 This picture cracks me up.  There are LOTS of little "Mommies-in-Training" in our family and a baby in the house made them all swarm!   

 A very big thank you to my sister's friend/co-worker Julie who made these delicious sugar cookies for all of our family Christmas celebrations this year.  Everyone LOVED them!

Matt was working/on call all Christmas (booooo) so he had to stick around Lincoln on Christmas Eve.  Luckily he has an aunt and uncle that live here in town and they had him over for dinner.  Thanks Tom and Deanna!  He had to be at work at 3AM on Christmas morning so it was no surprise to find him snuggled up in the living room sound asleep when Harrison and I got back home around midnight.

Christmas morning was spent at home trying to finish up some last minute gifts/wrapping.  When Matt got home from work we did our own little gift exchange (more on that in another post) and then loaded back into the car for two more stops in Omaha.  

Jumping like a crazy man on Christmas morning

Santa brought him a yummy giraffe!

First up was my mom's house. When you have 4 girls who are all married, 1 who lives out of town and 1 who lives out of state, it starts getting difficult to find a time when we can all make it work to spend the day together.  It's sad to say, but I think others in the same situation understand.  We showed up at mom's around 2:30 and only had a few hours before we needed to pack up for Christmas #2.  We made the most of the time we had and enjoyed every minute of it.  I love spending time with my mom, sisters, niece and nephews and always wish that time would slow down a little when we are together!  Christmas day was no exception.

 Harrison was busy eating so cousin Aubrey helped him open gifts.

 When Matt said that he took care of Harrison's gift this year, I should have known that it would be a Packer's Dreamlight.  Now Harrison can fall asleep every night staring at the stars and the Packers "G" that illuminate his ceiling!

 These two will never agree!  GOOOOO PACKERS!  BOOOOO VIKINGS!

 Christmas wouldn't be complete without a picture of a baby eating a bow.

Next up we headed across town for dinner with Matt's mom.  Harrison fell asleep in the car on the way over, so it was the perfect opportunity for the "grown-ups" to sit down and enjoy a delicious meal together...can't go wrong with prime rib and mashed potatoes!  Once our bellies were adequately stuffed and Mr. Mad woke up from his nap, we exchanged gifts and again relaxed and enjoyed good company.  It was a perfectly perfect end to a pretty hectic day!

Christmas excitement took its toll on this little guy!

 A little butterfly watching over our family from her perch on a Christmas palm tree :)

 Nothing surprises me with these two yahoos anymore.  It's amazing how much entertainment can come from the adhesive strip on the back of a gift card.

 Starting him early!

Reverse camera mode on the iPhone provides lots of entertainment.  Harrison was fascinated!

So like I said, Christmas 2012 came and went in a whirl wind.  It was filled with laughter, a few tears here and there and lots of love.  Harrison's first Christmas reminded me so much of the one that we celebrated with Charlotte...and as hard as it was, the similarities were comforting.  She was very much a part of our holiday season, much like she is a part of our every day.  

Hoping that you all had a very merry Christmas and wishing you all a happy start to 2013!

Let the Good Times "ROLL" - Six Months

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a brand new, snuggly little baby...but there is something pretty great that happens as a little one approaches the half way mark (half way to a year that is!).  Personalities start to blossom and they begin to interact and respond more to those around them.  At 6 months Harrison has officially hit that "fun" baby stage!  He continues to be the happiest little guy, is eating/sleeping well and seems like he is learning something new every single day!

Sweet Harrison, this month...

-You spent your very first weekend away from Mommy and Daddy

-You made your first trip to the zoo

-You have tried lots of yummy new foods -  Mommy is giving homemade baby food a go and it's going really well.  So far your favorites seem to be peas (what?!) and bananas.  You are such a good eater and have the chunky monkey thighs to prove it!  

-You sat independently for the first time!  You still like to fold in half (lazy bones!) but we keep practicing and you are getting stronger and stronger.  

-You learned to roll from your back to your belly!  I was pretty impressed with one rotation...then on Wednesday Grandma Debbie sent me a picture...there's no stopping you now!  

-You love to hear your self talk!  Sometimes its happy talk, sometimes its get the heck over here and put that bottle in my mouth talk.  Either way, you are definitely figuring out new ways to tell us how you are feeling!

-You love to play with your feet.  

-You graduated to a size 3 diaper...the exact same size that your big sister was wearing when she was double your age!

Pictures this month were probably the most entertaining to date.  There were a lot of near miss tumbles as he kept leaning forward in his chair, an insane amount of drool, and most importantly, big ol' smiles that melt this mama's heart day after day!

Happy half-way birthday baby boy.  Our first 6 months with you have been so much fun!  Your daddy and I love you very much and we're so excited to see what the second half of your first year has in store!  

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

This post pains me.

It should be a one full of me bragging/smack-talking about my utter domination of our family's fantasy football league, but instead I'm having to swallow my pride and admit defeat.  After going undefeated for the entire inaugural season (with the exception of one tie early in the season), I fell in the semi-final round to an even bigger smack-talking nine year old.  

Congratulations, Jack Attack 2000!

The Commissioner (aka "Stinky Things") presenting the Golden Stag to Jack Attack 2000.

2012 Musil Fantasy Football League Champion...Jack Attack 2000!

Ho Ho Ho! Harry Christmas!

Wishing you all a very merry Christmas!  May you create new memories, honor old traditions, and most importantly, remember the true meaning of the season.

Love Matt, Kristen, Harrison and our sweet little angel, Charlotte

Hearts on a String

I have a tendency to be a little "wordy"...but today I'm just going to cut to the chase.

I've been struggling.
I'm sleeping poorly.
I'm having bad dreams.
Tears are coming more frequently.

I'm trying my best to count my blessings...but this time of year everything just seems to get a little bit harder.  I find myself torn between emotions--overjoyed at the thought of celebrating our first Christmas with Harrison, yet full of heartache as we face a second without his big sister.   Memories of Charlotte and her first (and only) Christmas surround us as we prepare our home for the holidays--her ornaments on the tree, her stocking on the mantle, our Charley Bear angel perched atop our tree watching over us.  I know that she is with us, but that doesn't change the fact that I will always and forever want more.

Saturday night, with Matt in Chicago and Harrison sleeping soundly, I found myself in one of those "I need to be busy or might drive myself crazy" kind of moods.  My crafty side took over and before I knew it, I was neck deep in a project that kept me up WAY past my old lady bedtime.

I started out with no clear direction...

...and ended up with something beautifully simple for our baby girl. 

The next morning I went to the cemetery to take my creation to Charlotte.  It was a cold, gloomy day...actually pretty fitting for my mood.  As I sat shivering on the cold grass I allowed myself to do something that I hadn't in quite some time.  I broke.  My silent tears transformed into audible sobs, I sat on my hands to keep them from shaking, my stomach churned...I felt heartbroken and angry.  I wanted to be in our warm cozy home, stringing that precious garland on our tree with my 2.5 year old in tow...not fumbling with frozen fingers to decorate her grave site.  It's just not right.

I want to hate this picture...but there is a part of me that sees the beauty in knowing that Charlotte will always and forever be a part of me...that every moment spent with her made me a better person. I know that she hates that I hurt.  I know she aches when I cry.  I know that she feels the brokenness of my heart.  But there are other things she knows, too.  She knows our love for her.  She knows that our pain is only temporary.  She knows that soon enough we will all be together.  She knows that our eternity will be full of joy.  Until then we will continue to celebrate her...even if a part of that means making painful trips to a cemetery that no parent should have to make.  

I hope that you like your pretty hearts, Charley Bear.  

Mama loves you so very, very, very much. 

From the Ground Up

foun·da·tion n. 1. The act of founding, especially the establishment of an institution with provisions for future maintenance. 2. The basis on which a thing stands, is founded, or is supported.

Can you totally picture it!?!

Hope in the Darkness

For the past few months I've been slightly obsessed with the newest Mumford and Sons album "Babel."  I loved the first album...one that will forever and ever remind me of our kitchen dance parties with Charlotte, and this second album is just as good--if not better.  

There is one song in particular on this album that always strikes an emotional chord with me.  I've listened to it a hundred times (sometimes multiple times in a row)...and I can probably count on one hand the number of times that I have made it from start to finish with dry eyes. It speaks so much to the road that Matt and I have been walking these past few years.  A road that hasn't been easy.  A road that has pushed us to our limits.  The lyrics really say it all...

"Ghosts That We Knew"

You saw my pain washed out in the rain

Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins

But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart

And you knelt beside my hope torn apart

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view and

We'll live a long life

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

So lead me back, turn south from that place

And close my eyes to my recent disgrace

'Cause you know my call

And we'll share my all

And our children come and they will hear me roar

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

But hold me still, bury my heart on the coals

But hold me still, bury my heart next to yours 

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold on with all of my might

Just promise me we'll be alright

But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue

But we'll live a long life

And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view

And we'll live a long life

The past 19 months have been harder, more excruciatingly painful, than anything I could ever describe. We've been in dark places; felt totally crushed and defeated. We've had days where we've just wanted to give up.  But while we stand here today with inevitable bumps and bruises, we have not been broken.  We continue to seek out HOPE in the darkness.

Hope that, while sometimes hard to see, there is a plan for our family.

Hope that we WILL some day hold our perfect little girl again.

Hope that came to us in the form of a little baby boy.

Hope that no matter how much it hurts...we WILL be alright.

I will hold on with all of my might.

Just promise me we'll be alright.

Just promise me we'll be alright.