Sunday, December 4, 2011

A Very Merry Welcome Home

It's no lie that I'm dreading Christmas.  I can already feel my emotions taking control and I have no idea what to anticipate as it comes closer.  I shared in an earlier post that I am really struggling to get into the spirit of the holidays--I just can't figure out how to deal with the big gaping hole in my heart.  

I haven't felt like shopping.

I haven't felt like decorating.

I just want to be a bum and hope that I come out on the other side without too many emotional bumps and bruises.

This weekend I faced the first on my "I don't wanna" list.  SHOPPING.  I packed up my bags on Friday after work and headed back to Omaha for a our annual "Goeser-Schmitz-Mother-Daughter-Sister-Aunt-Cousin" shopping day.  It's a day full of shopping, but for me it was more about getting to spend an entire day with some of the most important people in my life.  We started our day at 9 AM and didn't call it quits until 10 PM...a wonderfully full day of shopping, sharing and laughing.  It was just what I needed to help get me in the holiday spirit.  Thanks Mom, Jill, Lindsey, Vick, Erin, Alyson and Julie (and Angie in spirit) for a great day!

This morning (Sunday) I again loaded up the car to head back to Sioux Falls.  Since Matt stayed behind this weekend, I had a solid three hours of driving solo.  While I don't normally mind the quiet time, today my brain was a little over-active.  I thought of Charlotte non-stop and shed lots of tears (which is always good when you are driving 75mph on the interstate).  The thought of the holidays without her is almost too much for me to handle some days.

As pulled into the drive way of our house, I noticed that Matt had hung a Christmas wreath on our front door.  Something so little...but I couldn't stop smiling.  Little did I know that that wreath was just the beginning.

When I walked into the house I was greeted by our own personal winter wonderland.  The banister was covered with garland and our stockings, our nativity set was proudly on display and to top it all off there was a TREE!!!  Not just any tree...a REAL tree.  I have never had a real Christmas tree in my entire life!

I couldn't stop crying...Even after an hour I still have tears in my eyes.  

I immediately called Matt and could hardly get words to come out of my mouth--I just kept repeating "I love it" and "thank you so much, Matty, I love you."

Here's a little sneak peak...

Nativity perfectly placed under my favorite Charley picture.
Christmas sock monkey and one of my new favorite books "Bear in Long Underwear."
Even RedButt got into the holiday spirit while I was gone!
Check out them boots!  
 My first ever REAL Christmas tree.  We are going to decorate it tonight with few of our favorite ornaments, but I love it just the way it is.
One lonely ornament so far.  It's called "Angel of the Heart"...Perfect.
 My cries officially turned into sobs when I saw our new tree topper.  Meet our Angel, Charley Bear.  

We had gotten this perfect little bear from my cousin's wife, Julie.  Apparently there is a cartoon that originated in the UK called "Little Charley Bear."  Julie heard about the cartoon and tracked down 3 little Charley Bears, one for us and one for each of her children.  When I left on Friday, Charley Bear was sitting on the dresser in our room....when I came back, she had been given a holiday make over complete with wings, a halo and very fitting heart.

My husband is amazing.  I have no idea what I would do without him.  Enough said.

Christmas this year is going to be all about baby steps.  No part of it is going to be easy.

I went Christmas shopping even though I didn't think I wanted to.
Matt decorated because he knew that we needed a little holiday cheer.

Together we will make it through this.


  1. You used the right word!! Amazing. He is truly a keeper ♥ It is so steps. Love you both!

  2. You are a truly special couple and I love you both very much!!!

  3. Wow... this post had me in tears. Sad and happy tears at the same time. What an incredibly sweet and thoughtful thing for him to do. The bear tree topper was almost too much for me to take! Love the nativity... ours just like that is sitting on a cabinet in our kitchen.

    You have been in my prayers. Be sure to give yourself a break... you are going through more than any person ever should have to.

    Enjoy that beautiful tree!

  4. What an awesome hubby you have...that is the best tree topper I have EVER seen. By far. XOXO.