We are all entitled to bad days every once in a while, right? You know...those days where you can't really explain why, but you just feel off, and down and BLAH. Days where you kind of just make it through. Days where you just feel like crying (and often times do) over the most ridiculously tiny things? (Please tell me that everyone has these days!)
Two days ago I had one of those days and for the life of me I can't tell you what triggered it. I didn't sleep well the night before and just muddled through my day, trying not to let on that I was feeling down. The day just felt like it was taking forever.
Apparently Charley didn't get the memo that I was having a BLAH day and decided that it was the perfect day/night to become a stubborn eater.
That was all it took.
All of my BLAHs from the day came to the surface and manifested as tears, stress, anxiety...you name it. Her eating has always been anxiety inducing for me, even now that she is doing it 1000% better. Its almost like I feel like I can't breath when she eats well or I might jinx it! Silly, I know, but when you struggle with something for 10 months, you start to get a little irrational!
Like I said, just one of those days.
Later in the evening, still functioning on the verge of tears, I was digging for my phone in my purse. When I finally found it (its a big purse), this is what I saw.....
Confused??? Maybe this will refresh your memory...
For reasons I can't remember, I have been carrying Charlotte's "hospital journal" around in my purse with me. Her NICU bow was in that journal and had apparently fallen out into the bottomless pit of my purse. Of all days, Monday was the one that it decided to find my phone. I don't think it was a freak happening....I think that it was a reminder from someone who always has my back...
That bow...ugh...that bow is a reminder of how far we have come. It is a reminder of all of the things that our poor little girl has had to endure and overcome. It is a reminder of how amazing, how ABSOLUTELY AMAZING she is. It is a reminder that life is good...beyond good for that matter. Charlotte was 1 day old in the picture above. Who would have thought that almost 11 months later, with 4 heart surgeries and 2 heart caths under our belts that we would be where we are today.
Today we are fighting with eating because she is a stubborn 10 month old, not because she is a post-op, oral aversion prone heart baby.
So she didn't want to eat. Big deal. She's here, she's healthy, she is growing everyday.
Thank you God for that bow (and for the reminder as well!). Sometimes my mind wanders and I forget how insanely fortunate we are.