I write about a lot of different things on this blog...mostly stories of our heart journey with Charlotte, the extreme love and joy that she brought to our lives and our continuing battle with grief and broken hearts. Todays post will be a little different...it's a post about ME.
I've never been good with New Year's resolutions. I have the very best of intentions, but always seem to lose steam along the way. This year, however, a concept from another blog that I follow caught my eye and I'm actually pretty excited about this brilliant twist on a traditional "resolution." Nothing fancy...just one simple word to help guide me through 2012. Click HERE to see the post that inspired me.
For the past 2 weeks I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with the perfect word for ME...it needed to be a word that would represent something realistic and attainable...something to serve as motivation for me to face each day with my chin up. When it finally came to me, I knew that it was right...
1. To obtain sight or knowledge for the first time
2. To become aware of
3. To find unexpectedly or in the course of a search
For two years I have been consumed by all things Charlotte and I wouldn't have had it ANY other way. Becoming a parent changes you, but becoming a parent to a child with a life-threatening heart defect takes that change to a whole new level. Losing a child? Even more change. My life has been in a continual state of evolution and even I am a little caught off guard when I stop and think of all of the hats I have worn--Wife, mama-to-be, mommy, heart mom, "nurse", advocate, grieving angel mom....
I know that I am not the person I was 2 years ago.
I am that person and so much more.
I have loved more than I knew possible and hurt all the same.
I often find myself a little unsure of WHO I am these days.
I have a new perspective on life.
I am passionate about different things.
I have refocused my priorities.
In 2012 I want to discover. I want to take the time to re-focus my attention and really become aware of the person that I have become. I want to discover ways to take all of the pieces of the "new" me and integrate them into my life so that I don't lose the things I loved about the "old" me. I need to discover things that can make me feel happy again and to continue to search out ways to stay connected with the heart community and to honor our little girl. It all sounds simple enough, but I know that this discovery process won't always be easy. I will be pushed to challenge myself and to face parts of the new Kristen that I don't necessarily like...and I expect to hit my share of stumbling blocks.
Our unique life experiences make us into who we are...but sometimes life passes so quickly around us that its easy to lose touch. Its only when things slow back down that we really realize how lost we feel.
2012 will not be easy, but I'm going to do my best to embrace what it has to offer. Here's to 2012...and here is to discovering ME.