Saturday, February 14, 2015

All In The Numbers

One year. Seventeen days. 

It's not a milestone that most parents acknowledge. It's a day just like any other day.  
One more than the last. 
One closer to tomorrow. 

It's just a day. 
It's just a day. 
Just a day.

So why - why, why, WHY can't I shake the weight of those numbers.  One year. Seventeen days.  Why can't I let them go.  Why can't I let them pass without notice - stop my brain from shining a giant spotlight on their significance.

There was a point in time where I remember asking myself how I could possibly go on if something were to happen to her.  Where despite her broken little heart, I had convinced myself that she was invincible.  We knew that each day was a blessing, yet I lived and loved each day as if there was some guarantee of more to come.  

Then came one year, seventeen days.

Tomorrow morning our Max will wake up one day older.  
One year. Eighteen days.  
One day bigger. One day smarter. 
One day stronger.  
One day older than his big sister ever got the chance to be.  

So today we loved a little harder.  We snuggled.  We giggled.  We celebrated first steps.   And as we said our goodnights I held him a little longer...feeling his weight, soaking in his smell.  How could I possibly go on if something were to happen to him?  

One year.  Seventeen days.


  1. I've never commented on your blog before but just wanted to say what a beautiful and moving post this was. And what a beautiful photo of a moment captured forever.

  2. Many times I ask myself the same could I go on if something happened to them...especially when I am checking on my sleeping girls late at night. And often times my mind skips to you. And my heart sinks. It's not fair. Not fair at all. Sending you lots of love and hugs on the big days and the small. XOXO.