Thursday, August 23, 2012

Every Heart Has a Story {3}

Well it's that time of year again...time for the 3rd annual Every Heart Has a Story blogging event hosted by fellow heart mama, Stefanie.  This is a way for heart families to share their individual stories and to "meet" other heart families online.  This is my third year participating in Every Heart Has a Story.  The first year Charlotte was three months old--the second year she had been gone just as long.  In the span of one short year we had gone from new heart parents of a little girl who was thriving despite having only half of a heart to shocked, grieving parents trudging through life with our own broken hearts.  Rather than re-hash our entire story, I have decided to include links to my previous contributions and use this year's post to tell our "here and now" heart story.


Being the mother of a heart angel puts me in a very confusing position.  I am a heart mom without my heart child.  I no longer live with the day to day stressors that I once did.  I don't think about upcoming appointments or surgeries.  I don't give medications or feverishly watch the flashing numbers on a pulse ox machine.  These responsibilities were taken away from me with no warning when God decided that our little Charlotte had fulfilled her purpose here on Earth.

The day that Charlotte earned her wings my heart journey changed.  It took a dramatic shift from being 100% focused on her heart, to stepping back and examining how she had changed mine.  I am a different person...a better person...because of the time that I had with Charlotte.  I am stronger, I love others more completely, I live for every moment of every day.  I am a better wife to her Daddy and a better Mommy to her new (heart healthy) baby brother.  She opened my eyes to a world that I never new existed and brought incredible people - doctors, nurses, other heart families - into my life.  Pretty impressive accomplishments for a little girl who only lived one short year.

So now here I am...a heart mom who doesn't live like a traditional heart mom.  I hold my new healthy baby in my arms and probably appear to be pretty "care-free."  But what people cannot see from the outside is that my heart is heavy.  I will always be a little broken.  I miss my baby girl and would do anything to have her in my arms again.
  

So what do I do now?  I can't sit on the couch and pout.  I can't pretend like having Harrison makes everything better.  I can't forget about the heart community just because I feel like I'm somewhat of an outsider...a "scary" outsider, none the less, to heart families who's biggest fear is having to walk in my shoes.  Instead I choose to continue to celebrate Miss Charlotte.  

I talk to her daily.  
I tell her brother stories about what a special little girl she was and how she will always watch over him.
I share memories with family and friends.
I continue to keep in touch with my friends in the heart community.
I do my best to keep her memory alive.

Each and every day is progress.

Thank you so much, Stefanie, for continuing to host Every Heart Has a Story and for allowing us to take part in it!

Every Heart Has a Story

For more information on what our family is doing to help celebrate our little girl, please check us out over at Charley's Heart

2 comments:

  1. I am just now finally finding the time today to read all of the great links on my blog event. Thank you so much Kristen for participating in this event again and for so bravely sharing your heart. {{{HUG}}} Always thinking of you and your family!

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  2. How beautiful, thinking of my own heart angel as well. ~Ruth

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