Being the mother of a heart angel puts me in a very confusing position. I am a heart mom without my heart child. I no longer live with the day to day stressors that I once did. I don't think about upcoming appointments or surgeries. I don't give medications or feverishly watch the flashing numbers on a pulse ox machine. These responsibilities were taken away from me with no warning when God decided that our little Charlotte had fulfilled her purpose here on Earth.
The day that Charlotte earned her wings my heart journey changed. It took a dramatic shift from being 100% focused on her heart, to stepping back and examining how she had changed mine. I am a different person...a better person...because of the time that I had with Charlotte. I am stronger, I love others more completely, I live for every moment of every day. I am a better wife to her Daddy and a better Mommy to her new (heart healthy) baby brother. She opened my eyes to a world that I never new existed and brought incredible people - doctors, nurses, other heart families - into my life. Pretty impressive accomplishments for a little girl who only lived one short year.
So now here I am...a heart mom who doesn't live like a traditional heart mom. I hold my new healthy baby in my arms and probably appear to be pretty "care-free." But what people cannot see from the outside is that my heart is heavy. I will always be a little broken. I miss my baby girl and would do anything to have her in my arms again.
I talk to her daily.
I tell her brother stories about what a special little girl she was and how she will always watch over him.
I share memories with family and friends.
I continue to keep in touch with my friends in the heart community.
I do my best to keep her memory alive.
Each and every day is progress.
Thank you so much, Stefanie, for continuing to host Every Heart Has a Story and for allowing us to take part in it!
For more information on what our family is doing to help celebrate our little girl, please check us out over at Charley's Heart.