Sunday, July 10, 2011

Crazy Lady With a Cart

I'm continuing to put one foot in front of the other these days.  I pull myself out of bed every morning, successfully eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, can look people in the eyes...I make it through each day.  Yes, my mind is distant.   Yes, I think of Charlotte constantly.  Yes, I cry multiple times a day.  I think thats to be expected.

What I hate are the bad times that just come out of nowhere at the most unexpected times.  I will be half way through a perfectly "good" day when some magical switch is flipped and I find myself on the verge of tears.  Yesterday it was while waiting in line at the bank, today it was at the grocery store.  I paced through the aisles with blurry eyes and mindlessly grabbed the items on our list...without that list I'm pretty sure I would have come home with nothing.  I didn't want to shop, instead I just wanted to ram into everyone with my cart and scream.  Its hard to do "normal" things when you feel like your heart is going to explode.  I fought for my composure and wiped away my tears.  Its not normal to cry in a grocery store.  People look at you like you are crazy.  If they only knew.

So while I'm expected, I'm unpredictable.  

I miss my little girl.  I miss her crazy hair.  I miss her goofy little grin and her goofy belly laugh. 

Sigh....I miss her so much.


  1. Oh, Kristen I wish I could help you heal your broken heart!

  2. Dear God, Please bring comfort and peace to Kristin and Matt. Peace is Your essence. Peace is Your name. Bring peace to this family who has lost their precious child.
    There is no way to remove the pain. The grief is real. The only sanity is to know, to believe, in a life beyond with our Savior, when all the sufferings are made good. We trust that God and His promise that while Charley's life on earth is done, her life beyond has just begun. With that release let her go into His arms, then by faith receive in return the boundless comfort of God's presence. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

    Jill Hanson

  3. You and Matt are still very much in my thoughts and prayers. It must be unbearable to see people living their lives on a daily basis doing what is normal, going about their activities and not experiencing the grief that you are going hard to understand and grasp. I am sure at times you just want to scream at them....let them know life as you know it is no longer "normal" or what you would like to be normal. Hang on to your beautiful memories...altho that must be painful too. Just have faith that someday you will all be together again....Have you read the book..."Heaven is for Real"? It helped me strengthen my belief that there is a heaven. I will continue to pray that God will give you the strength and comfort you are needing....
    Sally S.

  4. K...we miss her so much, too. Praying for you every day.

    Love you!

  5. Kristen,
    I can't help reading your posts-- I feel so sick and empty for you and Matt. No one can begin to understand your grief uless they have walked in your shoes. I pray for you daily. But I also read these posts and cannot believe the strength and the grace that you show in these dark, trying times. Trust in God's plan for Charlie. I know you miss her on this Earth, but remember that time here is temporary. I love you!!!

  6. Kristen, there are no words I can say. Please just know how much you and Matt are loved and are in my prayers every day. Love you with all my heart, Grammy Vicki

  7. Gosh Kristen, my heart breaks for you. It's so hard to read your posts, I can't imagine it being my reality... You are stronger than you know.
    Praying you find peace and comfort (in some small way)