I'm continuing to put one foot in front of the other these days. I pull myself out of bed every morning, successfully eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, can look people in the eyes...I make it through each day. Yes, my mind is distant. Yes, I think of Charlotte constantly. Yes, I cry multiple times a day. I think thats to be expected.
What I hate are the bad times that just come out of nowhere at the most unexpected times. I will be half way through a perfectly "good" day when some magical switch is flipped and I find myself on the verge of tears. Yesterday it was while waiting in line at the bank, today it was at the grocery store. I paced through the aisles with blurry eyes and mindlessly grabbed the items on our list...without that list I'm pretty sure I would have come home with nothing. I didn't want to shop, instead I just wanted to ram into everyone with my cart and scream. Its hard to do "normal" things when you feel like your heart is going to explode. I fought for my composure and wiped away my tears. Its not normal to cry in a grocery store. People look at you like you are crazy. If they only knew.
So while I'm doing....well....as expected, I'm unpredictable.
I miss my little girl. I miss her crazy hair. I miss her goofy little grin and her goofy belly laugh.
Sigh....I miss her so much.