1 week later.
1 week since that terrible day.
1 week since we drove home to an empty house that no longer felt like our home.
1 week since we felt normal.
1 week since we held, snuggled, rocked, sang, danced...
1 week...and its felt like forever.
So much has happened in the past 7 days, it hardly seems possible.
First, thanks to all of you who were able to help us celebrate the life of little Charlotte on Friday. While it was a horribly difficult day, it still carried with it a feeling of peace. I'm still amazed at how beautiful her service was from start to finish. It was perfect, and aside from the obvious, I wouldn't have changed a single thing.
We made the dreaded trip home on Sunday afternoon with our moms and Matt's sister along for support. They have been the most wonderful distraction and my stomach aches at the thought of them leaving tomorrow. Its hard to even know where to begin. Every inch of this house is filled with memories of Charlotte, and while I never want to forget a single one of them, its all so very overwhelming right now.
I've struggled with this blog lately. I want so badly to come here and to pour my heart out, but the words are hard to come by. I've always been honest here, and while I don't share every detail of our lives, I put a great deal out there for public scrutiny. I have let you all into our lives--you have seen our good days, and as of late you have seen us totally broken. That scares me. Am I strong enough to put the new "grieving" Kristen out there for all to see? Can I continue to be truthful and honest, or will I hold back, fearful for how others will perceive my emotions?
If I can't be 100% honest, then I can't continue.
In my heart I know that I need this blog.
I need it as an outlet.
I need it to help me process the extreme grief that follows me 24 hours a day.
I need it to help me continue to celebrate Miss Charlotte.
I need it probably more than I even realize.